I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
