i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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