Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize