Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
