I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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