She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
