If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
