What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
