I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it's like iHOP with fire
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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