New invention idea: vibrating tampons
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
