i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
