Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
