I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
