So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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