home. puking in laundry basket.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
