Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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