it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
