Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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