and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
