Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
