I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
