Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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