I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize