that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
