they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
