They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
