Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
