apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
