I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
