So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
