I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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