And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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