White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
