yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
