New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
