My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Panties = found
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
