How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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