you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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