I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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