Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i permit you to call me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
