the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
