can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
