i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she looked like the before picture.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
