hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
