We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
