then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
