Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
