I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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