I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize