Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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