just come out here and I will go home with you...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
honey bunches of taint.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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