I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize