My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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