a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
