You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
smell my finger.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
