i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
