Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you had me at cake vodka
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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