My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My penis needs a shock collar
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize