Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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