We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
did i just pee glitter
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
