And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
