My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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