Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
