I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just puked most of my soul out..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
