two words: eviction party
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
